Apparently, I took the month of March off. I had a birthday so let’s just say that’s why I didn’t post all last month. It wasn’t because I’ve been wrestling with writing, having mood swings, or anything like that. Really, I’ve haven’t sat down to write here because at times I feel so full of stuff to write about that I shut down. Yeah, I know it’s weird. But it’s the truth.

A couple Friday’s ago I heard someone say this at my church, “You don’t have to be healed to preach and speak healing. We don’t have to measure up to see the Hand of God move. It’s about introducing others to His Glory, not about us.” When I heard this, it just hit me deep. I know this but when the man speaking said it, it was like God nudged my shoulder and said, “It’s true. I can use you now. Even though you’re not perfect. Even though your brain zips and dips. I’m not afraid to use you to help others, so why are you afraid?” That arrow hit deep. If God isn’t worried about me not being perfectly healed, why am I?

It feels like the beginning of a new season and not just because I had a birthday and it’s finally not a frozen tundra outside. Things are blooming and not just in my backyard. I can stay in my own brokenness and worry about what my brain waves might decide to do, or I can step forward where it’s scary and terrifying. I don’t have to make excuses for why everything in my brain isn’t healed; I can simply believe that He is making all things new, including my brain.

I thought I was going to have a whole lot more to say and at some point I probably will. But not today. Right now I’m going to sit in this weird, new season and learn to walk with God in a deeper way. I won’t let what I struggle with stop me from offering God’s healing to others. That’s the whole point; it isn’t my healing but His. I can keep trying and striving as if I need to be perfect before being used or I can learn to let God use a broken vessel.

Healing is found when we walk deeper with Him and not in our own attempts at perfection.