I turned 40 this year and age really usually is just a number to me. But recently I’ve started noticing certain things that indicate I’m jumping headfirst into the dreaded perimeno-monster. Since I’m assuming some guys may read this, I won’t get to into certain symptoms. However, as a person who deals with bipolar disorder, when my mood swings start looking like a swing set with a hyperactive 5-year-old on it, this is a good indicator that something is off. At first, I thought maybe my meds weren’t working anymore; this can actually happen with some mood stabilizers, one day they just don’t show up for their shift. A quick lab trip quelled those fears. They were working just fine.

Still my agitation grew. And grew. And grew. To the point where I tried edibles just to keep me from yelling at everyone, including myself. I began to worry that another meltdown might be coming, I told God that I didn’t think I could handle another trip down the dark road. Suddenly I began to have hot flashes. “Great, not only am I playing the crazy game again, now I’m gonna sweat to death too!” Finally, some insight trickled along with sweat into my head. “It’s menopause! Duh, Heather. I’m not going crazy!”

I might be the first woman to be excited about “The Change” because the alternative is insanity. Still, the last few months have been a bit stressful with no end of the rollercoaster in sight. As I was praying (whining really) to God about all this, He gently began reminding me that I have a pretty big issue with control. Not the cool self-control kind but the I-must-control-everything kind. “If I was with you in the darkness of your meltdowns, know I’ll be with you in the hot flashes and agitation.” How could I have forgotten that so easily? Probably because I’m a slightly menopausal woman who has a million things happening in her mind and body. God wasn’t reminding me as a way to make me feel bad. He is telling me that no matter where I go, or what my body does, He is with me. I may not be in total control of everything my body does, but since I am with Him, I’m perfectly safe.

I needed that reminder. Just because I’m going through new life things isn’t a reflection of who I am to God. I’m His daughter whether I’m melting down or conquering mountains. What’s happening to me physically doesn’t dictate my worth to Him. It’s not about how well I can control the situation but about giving the situation to the One who makes all things good.