The holidays are upon us yet again. It’s crazy how that seems to happen every year. I hope your Thanksgiving was good, filled with family, friends, and lots of yummy food. Oh, the food! Every year I’m amazed at how my mother can make a magnificent feast and we can demolish it in less than 24 hours. But this year is a bit different, it’s four days later and we still have plenty of leftovers (which my father and I don’t mind, we have been delightfully plowing in them every meal). As I ate another bowl of sweet potato casserole, I thought about why we seemed to have so much leftover.

It’s because our Thanksgiving was dramatically different from those past. Usually we have about 15 to 20 people at the house, this requires about 2 turkeys. There are anywhere from 3-5 small children racing around. It’s a calamitously loud feast that usually ends with many of us playing football after dinner, weather permitting. But this year my brother and sister-in-law went to her parents and many of the other friends had family in town as well.

And this year there was an empty chair at the table.

So, we elected to do a smaller dinner (well at least people-wise). Just immediate family, and two family friends. It was a different Thanksgiving, not as rowdy as the norm, not as crazy, but it was beautiful. There were some tears, as there should be, and lots of deep, genuine friendship. A tissue box sat next to the gravy boat, we needed it for both tears and laughter. As the day progressed, I realized this was exactly the holiday I needed, one where grief isn’t put away for the meal but it doesn’t dictate it either.

I realize ours isn’t the only house with an empty chair this year. There are many people whose holidays look very different than in years past. Maybe it’s just me growing older or as I start seeing some of my more elderly family members enter this final stage; but it just seemed to hit me deeper this year. It’s ok to grieve; family, friends, even the way we do holidays eventually changes. If you’re not up to a 20-person holiday doo-hop then don’t do it. Have a smaller more intimate one where you can laugh and cry in the same sob. God never told us we shouldn’t feel grief, but He did say that those who do grieve will find comfort (Matthew 5:4). If your holidays have an empty chair at the table, I pray the Prince of Peace sits closer to you than ever before.

It’s ok to have a tissue box sitting next to the gravy boat.