“Pills! Who runs the world? Pills! We run this mutha!” No offense to Queen B, but I sing this version way more often than hers.

Ahh meds! It often seems they are the stone upon which our belief for healing breaks. I understand it, I’ve often wondered why I still need to take these dang pills when I firmly believe in healing. I’ve seen people set free from addiction, healed of numerous illnesses, shoot, I’ve been healed of chronic knee pain and arthritis. I more than believe in healing, I know it’s real. And yet, every evening I take those stupid pills.

It’s easy to beat myself up with Bible stories of instant healing, literally like every person Jesus healed. But was it instant? Yes, the moment He touched them, or they touched Him, they were healed. But how much of their lives did they live before that moment happened? The man at the pool of Bethesda had laid there for 38 years. That’s my entire life so far. I bet he had tried everything to get well; I mean he was willing to wait for some ripples in a pool just to try and crawl to touch it. And he got trampled over and over. Or the woman with the issue of blood; Scripture states that she had suffered over 12 years and had spent everything she had on doctors, but nothing got better.

Yet whatever they were doing kept them alive until they met Jesus and they were healed. In a culture where sickness what thought to be a curse for sin, they managed to live even with that undue shame. Today the only shame left is usually in our own heads; I mean no one is going to see me and scream, “Unclean!” as I walk through the church. But there is a stigma that still lingers, maybe I’ll talk about later, not today. Even after being healed, many people still had to present themselves to Pharisees in order to begin living a normal life again. I doubt any of them would say re-adapting to Jewish life was instantaneous.

My point is this, I may dislike the medications that I still need; but I cannot say that they aren’t a form of healing. I am a new person in Christ, but I still have the same old physical body and brain that still has some short-circuits. But I am getting better. Even my doctors will agree that my medication seems to be working better; I’m more clear, less manic or depressed, and those episodes are getting shorter.

Here’s the cool thing; I haven’t changed my core medications in almost a decade. Yet I’m getting better. They say it’s because the meds have leveled out well; I know it’s because God is renewing my mind. My “miracle” dose hasn’t always worked, I would still buzz up and away only to crash for days. That hasn’t happened in over a year. I was still actively suicidal even on multiple mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. That hasn’t been an issue for years now (the thoughts still show but not the active planning) and I’ve actually dropped some of the anti-psychotics.

This is healing and even if it isn’t instant, it’s continuous. Could God reach down and simply fix every brain area? Yes. However, I decided when I reached out to Him that I would be ok with His ways and His timing. If He wants to walk with me through this healing than I will do it. Probably with the occasional whining and plenty of slip ups but I’m willing to do this journey with Him.