I could feel it start happening again. I had sat down and suddenly realized I couldn’t get up. Well, more like I had lost all energy to get up. Too late I realized the living death (what I call the immobilizing depression that sometimes hits after holidays or really any day) had started to creep up on me.

“Please not again. Please God I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this again.” It’s weird to be panicky and yet not mobile. In my heart I wanted to sprint, lift weights, anything but wait for the slow nothingness of darkness. Heck, at that moment I wanted to be manic; fully and utterly mad with crazy activity. No such luck.

As I sat there trying to stay calm and at the same time care, I felt God’s Presence right in that moment. And then I knew that if I fell into that dark hole, He would be there with me. If I shot into psychotic mania, He would be the Presence holding me to earth. I know this because He’s already done it before, and He promises that He will be with us forever. So no matter what happened in those uncertain moments, God was already with me. I sat there for a few moments and just let that soak in. I won’t be left alone.

If you too struggle with the last bits of the holidays, or the beginning of a new year; take that to heart. God will not leave you alone. No matter how dark it feels; He promises to be our light. If you feel like you’re coming untethered, He is your anchor. Take heart, God won’t ever leave.