🔥When I first posted this I had no idea what the future held (I mean who does?). There was no covid, no riots, no epidemic, inflation, or spiking suicides. But it was here in some of the darkest areas in my soul that God proved no matter what happens, He is here in our messes. Looking back I realize that I never would have survived the last 3 years mentally or emotionally if the groundwork hadn’t been laid in 2019. God is with us, and in the depths, He is continually by our side. Don’t be afraid to walk with God, whether baby steps or giant leaps, He rejoices in every single one.🔥

Just a few notes to close 2019 out. Also an awesome picture!

I thought when I got saved that all my sins and past actions would poof! vanish into thin air. Well they did, but their output or consequences remained. This whole last year God has been dealing with my past and the depths of inhumanity I managed to achieve before coming to Him. It hasn’t been easy, it’s still not easy, and it’s certainly not pretty or simple. But it’s powerful and freeing.

When everything first started happening to me, I remember crying out to God, “Why can’t you just heal me quickly? You could heal all this junk without me ever even knowing. Why are you making me go through it all?” I expected an answer somewhere in the reaping what you sow region, but that wasn’t what he said at all. “I could heal you instantly, but if I did that how would you ever know Me? How would you ever trust Me if I hid stuff, even painful stuff from you? I want to heal you and walk through each step with you.” What a wonderful Father and King! He would have been completely justified in saying “You reap what you sow;” instead He desires to walk through the mire, step by painful step, healing along with solidifying an eternal relationship with my Father.

I would love to say that this last year was filled with leaps and bounds forward, running and jumping with God, but it would be a lie. I have had leaps and bounds, and trips, stumbles, slips, and fall downs too; but God was there at each point. When I felt so manic I could stay up for days and wanted to spend all my money, He was there, the still gentle voice guiding me into His peaceful presence. When I couldn’t make sense of my head, when every noise sounded like an explosion and my thoughts ran off into nothing, He was there, the Great Shepherd guiding me through valleys of shadows leading me into places of rest. On the good days where everything was finally “normal,” He was there, triumphantly leading me in a victory march. In the very face of my enemies, He claims me as His daughter every day.

This year I realized that God’s healing is miraculous, but at times not instantaneous. This has nothing to do with lack of faith or any of that stuff; instead it has everything to do with living in a fallen world and with an unglorified body. God can use a variety of things to bring about healing; for me this has included medicines, therapy, and lots of prayer. Not to mention many new friends who, along with some old ones, have stood with me in prayer and encouragement. You all are a part of healing for me.

So I guess this is my end of year posting. 2019 was amazing, hard, empowering, and ultimately healing. Everyone is on some type of walk with God, even if they don’t realize it. May God make Himself more real to us this coming year than ever before. I realize that for many this year has been a year of healing; let us continue the journey with the God who is ever faithful and who never fails.